i love blue eyes.

did i ever say that? i'm temporarily insane. its just that josh lucas' eyes are soo blue and nice. i love nice eyes. my guy's eyes definately has to be the catch. he has to have the most dreamy, most mellow, most piercing, more intense eyes on the PLANET. hahah!

anyway, holiday, holiday!!! hahah! i can't wait. the only thing i'm worrying about is not meeting the datelines. comm iss, PR and feature writing! STRESSS. i promise i've morphed into a workaholic. bleah.

what can i say?

you you you you you you you you you you. other than work? its you. shyte.

i'm not actually wanting to blog, but i'm kinda bored. FIGURES.

i can't really do any work cos i'm not in the right frame of mind.

i kinda still miss him.

i just realised the previous three sentences all started with 'i'. how selfish is that. but then again this is my blog and i guess its supposed to be about me. finally something that is about me. bleah.

this stupid sore throat is annoying and i'm bored to my wits ends cos i dunno why i'm bored to my wits ends. i can't wait for tuesday. just a get away. from everything. an escape. a breather. then will come thursday when i get to meet up with takhmau buddies. haha! although the meeting place is whole way across the island, i guess its worth it.

so much has chamged in just a short 4 months. then again these past 4 months have seemed like eternity. i'm talking alot of crap. basically cos i'm VERY sleep deprived. but then i'm now nocturnal, so i can't really sleep.

sometimes i wonder why i have a blog, to parade my life to the public eye? don't really see a need to. but then again having a blog is fun. sometimes, certain things can't be said aloud.

i can't wait.

can't wait.

i'm sick. yes still sick. second day in the running. and no gary not that kinda PERV sick but the illness sick. i'm still very much PURE that's why haire gave me the white flower which i did not keep cos it was not a rose. hahah! or a sunflower. okay i'm seriously a lil crappy now.

i need a headline for my feat 1 beer story. IDEAS anyone?

i have to redo the layout for the FMS panel. ROAR. but whatever. i still need the powerbook. my laptop is seriously not up to this challenge although i am. it take like 5 mins to transform and IMAGE?!!!! hello. time is precious ever heard of that? my photoshop hung like 5 times straight in 30 mins. that's like an average running time of 3 mins. cos i let it settle for 3 mins to check if it really did hang. ROAR. POWER i need POWER. empower me please.

POWER to the people! that was starhub's ad campaign once. that campaign was pretty good.

okay its my duty to warn everyone. do not expect much from king kong. yes it is VERY peter jackson. THREE bloody long hours. my ass was NUMB by tthe end of the movie. the movie was okay. not fantastic. okay. It was pretty funny though. unfortunate enough for me there were these people sitting behind me who were jsut purely annoying cos they were talking THROUGHOUT THE MOVIE. i was fortunate that the movie was 3 hrs so they got tired of talking by the second hour.

today was baptism. i never could remeber getting baptised its sooo exciting! lol! it was pretty much what i expected.

DID I EVER SAY I LOVE COLDPLAY?!

okay. random.

i spoke this morning to him. i really can see a pattern arising. i avoid him the most i can and then after awhile he reappears. and then he jsut disappears AGAIN. how enjoyable being in my place. "well the truth is I miss you"... its kinda weird how i am happy that he's happy but unhappy that he's happy because its without me. sheesh... when is this gonna be over. WHEN?!

what a happening day.

sarah grace is back!!! hahah she just landed about 5 hrs ago. i haven't seen them in ages, miss having them around.

oh wells. today was a really hectic day. VERY. nicole, i'm so sorry you couldn't hand in your webd on time. its really just your luck that your laptop had to crash at this time and that the nav bar couldn't work on the desktop. PITY. i did not manage to get my beer pics. i think i'll get it tmr. HALO BAR. i hope. really hope. i just need the pics.

anyway, i'm gonna catch king kong tmr. with gary and sarah. maybe aunt lee lee and christian too. hahah! gonna be a blast.

tomorrow, tomorrow...

i haven't blogged in 2 weeks. i've been so busy. work work and work. blah just came back from a linna's house warming. the twins and noah are SOOOO cute. i love them to bits. but since when haven't i.

you can see i've changed my skin. this time it isn't fully made by me. but i editted it. i love the picture. its nice. well taken.

that day on wednesday i went up and i expected to see you there and then you were not. its kinda weird how it happened that way cos you're long gone.

anyway, i'm doing the panel design for the FMS open house. its kinda fun.

my thoughts are soo fragmented. very. everything's a whirl. i dunno why. my nose i running away. i've been sneezing non stop. bleah.

datelines coming up:
feature writing 1 story
feature writing 2 outline
FMS panel
Comm Iss group assignment
PR media kit
Radio on-air presentation skills test

bless my soul.

"we're both in love with two different people"

i decided that i'm boycotting mediasorp and SPH or not. okay this is why...

my sister as you all know has gone to manila to participate in the sea games 2005. she got placed 4 out of i don't know how many but definately more than 4 because there was heats before the finals. okay so then, not only does mediacorp or SPH not cover it but in the sports column they ranked the sports... not only did they classify the sports that were letdown FAILURES.. they classified other events that were not so "happening" under "why were they here". okay i have 2 things against you.

if you can even put yourself in the place of an athelete who has trained hard and well for this event. put in your best only to get classified under "failures". i'm very sorry for those who are brought up with the concept that if u're not #1 you're a failure. its very sad. a failure is not someone who did not manage to clinch the top prize - even someone who clinches the top prize may be a failure, if he/she did not give his/her best or has been there in the same position with no improvement at all. or worse, someone who doesn't even bother to try, or someone who does not have a aim. i'm sorry you are atuned to the "show me the medals" mindset as i quote the sports editor. please give them a break. i believe they have suffered enough disappointment when they tasted defeat after putting in their best. Giving them the lesat encouragement couldn't hurt. how do you feel when you're in a total foreign land with no support but your own team mates and you come back home to discover that you got no support from even the country that you fought for?

the second.

i do believe that all the sports qualified under the "why are they here" category deserves a standing ovation. being the underdogs in the game, they have come in, participated, trained equally hard and strived to succeed. i believe they have succeeded in their own ways. i do believe they deserve the right to be in the games that they have trained and fought hard for. i salute them for their commitment. i'm appalled by the biased coverage these sports are given. they be undoubtedly slammed by the press or not give the coverage they at least deserve. i believe that a bronze has been won in karate. i'm utterly upset by the press. i feel that these sportmen and sportwomen deserve an apology. i'm disgusted by the actions of the press and as a media student, i am very much ashamed.

other than that, i managed to fixed my navbar problem. whoopee.

i left my house to meet pearl to bring her down to church for her interview with madeline. i then headed down to joo chiat to colletc my miserable pay of 608 dollars after the deduction of about 200 dollars? yea.. how pathetic. then i went shopping around. not very succesful trip.. then i met joyce for the movie. yes - pride and prejudice.

the show was good. did the book justice. and MR DARCY too. haha. he's not startling handsome, he's just handsome. i love his eyes. yes, it's always the eyes. i mean guys its a classic.. that makes it a must watch. for me at least. the show was hilarious... british humour. you have to listen. its a good show. i recommend it to almost anyone but kids. a long 2 hrs of british conversation... enough to put a kid off classics for life, so parents don't ruin their enjoyment of classics.

okay its been a fruitful day. but first let's start off with the not sooo pleasant stuff.

today, 1 day before the deadline of my feature writing assignment outline, my interviewee pulled out on me! okay i never had this problem before right? so naturally i panicked. its just that you know naturally when things go wrong you just feel like "why is this happening?". many a times, we don't realise somehow that there is someone in control. and all things work for good for those who love Him. It's just a small thing, but its proof enough. I know my interviewee backed out. so i had to find another one right... and i jsut couldn't. so i turned to ken for an interviewee. At that point in time it just did not occur to me that he had studied microbiology in England... so technically he's an expert at beer... more expert than whoever i was going to interview... so when i started interviewing him, i realised that... hey... this is better than what i had in mind. so you see.

okay so anyway, news flash. my sister is ranked 4th overall for both events she took part for the sea games 2005. Yes, she's an amatuer so its a big deal alright. and its 4th in ALL OF SOUTH EAST ASIA. that's a feat. to my dear sister... i don't care if its not a gold... u did all of us proud, mom, dad, and all the rest of us.

okay yeah. i went over to the ng's place. NOAH is soooo cute... and he is feather light. he has big sparkling eyes. yeap. and the twins are adjusting well to his presence. so its all cool. ken and elaine are obviously overjoyed to have a new addition to their family. It's just great. lol! the twins were very happy and excited to see me. caleb even wanted to follow me home. i guess maybe they just haven't seen any church people in like 2 weeks so its kinda nice for them to get attention especially since mom's attention is split three ways now. man i can't wait to go visit them again.

so, feature writing is over.. i mean the outline. and so is radio - which i totally busted the deadline for, but anita was sooo kind and understanding and gave us a whole day's extention... and so its the comm iss individual assignment. the next thing that is coming up is the WEBFOLIO for webd. okay yea, i admit i'm screwed for that cos my fireworks nav bar TOTALLY DOES NOT WORK AT ALL. and i'm totally clueless why. so harie's gonna be a kind sould and help me with it either on wed or thurs. THANKS HARIE.

it's kinda weird that he keeps popping back into my life here and there. then he disappears for a while. yes... now its time for his disappearing act. soon he'll ride back in.

anyways, i better get some sleep which i have not gotten in the past week. its time for some catching up on that.

announcing the arrival of NOAH NG ZHONG ZHI!

great! he's finally here! he's sooo tiny and cute! and guess who he looks like? SHUA. but no he looks like lebby too! hahah its soo exciting. i guess that's all i have to say for now. i'm kinda not really in a mood for blogging. another time then. ciaos!

i've finished my COMM ISS paper on e-shoppers!!! well cheers!

okay its been a week. time flies. i'm already into week 5 of my second semester of my second year. i'm just about slightly more than a year away from my graduation i hope. well so all i've done in the past week is work and work. fortunate enough for me i had a breather on sunday. I went to grace assembly and the sermon was good - holiness. after the service, poh kwan, von, huiyi and i went out to meet joanne and audrey. had a good time just talking and catching up. and no, we did not go cam whoring. maybe another time. So then after that i went over to huiyi's place. its nice. really nice. her room is cosy and man she has SOOOOO many medals. we relived some secondary school memories.

man i miss those days but i'm also glad that i'm where i am today. But still where i am today? mediocracy, or less than mediocre. so i was walking back with huiyi and i just started to wonder where would i be if i did not go poly. then i remember seeing a prayer that huiyi wrote which she pasted up in her room. The prayer had expressed her fear of failure and had said that even if she fails, she's contend as long as it is in His hands. You know sometimes i wish i could be like her, she has non christian parents but yet she has this faith that i think can stand more than mine. i envy her. i really wish that my walk is right. i try to change, i try to let Him work but somehow it's just not working. maybe it is but i just don't know it yet. sometimes i feel like i got no purpose. i need a purpose. Your purpose.

I've been talking to him alot these days. Honestly, he still makes me laugh. he still makes me smile. despite all that he has done to me. sometimes i blame myself for not being able to hate him. szela, anytime i'd choose someone who can make me laugh rather than someone who can get me excited. excitement is short lived, one day when he calls you won't be excited. but if he can make you laugh, he can always make you laugh again. you know how i imagined passing my 18th birthday which is in exactly a month's time? its not happen. NO its not. and somehow there's an episode of gilmore girls where rory experiences the exact same thing. but no matter how many people around me celebrates it with me, it'd still be lonely. because the person who matters is not there. maybe he wont even remember. maybe i should be a robot. then everytime something goes wrong, i can load a new programme and after loading.... meet the new abigail version 1.18.

eighteen is the .......... loneliest .......... number.

hello everyone there. i've decided not to go through my not o everyday post telling only simply a story but also reflecting on my day. so forgive my random, abrupt changes in topic if there even is one. i'm not much of a reflector anyway.

okay so here it goes.

well, on monday, i woke up for class to reach school aroun 8 to 830 right? and then when i reach there at 810, there's no sign of the lecturer. so yeah i see this girl there waiting. started a convesation with her. so then we kept talking to occupy ourselves and then we kinda realised that mannnn she is late. it was almost 9! then i kinda wondered how many times were we students who were late actually made a lecturer wait like that and feel like we waste their time. i guess we shouldn't be late for lessons then. ahah! DUH.

okay so then i went to catch a movie with a joyce - Just Like Heaven. It's a nice show. very bittersweet. a lil' inclined toward the nicholas sparks style. okay so if anyone wanna know what happens in the end, just remember the movie tagline. only love can bring you back. anyway, the play with lighting and all that was pretty good in enhancing the show. i find there was just nice a touch to the how. i liked it. i think it was a pretty good show - not fantastic but good. The show kinda makes you wonder how love can transcend language or racial differences and all.

well well. then i reached home and i got bored right? i was trying to search for comm iss info for the weird paper on eshoppers. its like... uhuh. global scale is already hard enough... u wanna narrow it down to singapore and malaysia? it's just really difficult to write this kinda research paper. so then i started a convo with him. we talked about stuff. and i realised how much he ha not changed and yet has changed you know what i mean? change is just a funny thing. very funny thing. i guess change is all around every second, every moment but its soooo minute that you don't notice until it hits you hard in your face.

after a long talk with him, i finally decided to get off my ass and go down and borrow a movie to watch. i borrowed 1 bimbo flick(the perfect man), 1 comedy(guess who) and 1 drama(ladder 49). watched one of it and moved on to my new found favourite show project runway. so there's school tomorrow right? so naturally i head for bed after that.

i wake up this morning and i take a deep breath. and then i'm thinking - am i in thailand(pakchong)? or singapore. the air is sooo fresh and i love the smell of it. the cool breeze. fantastic weather. fresh air just makes me happy! i wish the weather could stay like this FOREVER. but then again that would cause a tip in the eco system and then maybe it would be like the day after tomorrow. RIGHT. okay well. i'm inspired to work hard still. cos today they gave out book prizes and there's this new catergory called the director's list which i think you should be able to tell is something like the dean's list. soo its pretty cool and its for the top 10 percent of the students. and i'm aiming for that. shouldn't be that difficult aye? just study and work hard. easier said than done. i think i better get cracking.

friendship's better than nothing.

thursday was a blast. i went for sabrina and jason's ROM. man it was really fun and nice. haha! yeah. the photos were fantastic too. nice ones. hmmm its was kinda nice to see them finally see them MARRIED. they've been waiting for it for ages i know. the photos are uploaded in my imgaestation album: jason and sabrina's ROM.

friday's classes had been routine. just that feat writing is just more entertaining than usual. when we broke up into our magazine project groups we just all had a blast. it was just sooo fun brainstorming. of cos there were alot of lame stuff, alot of laughter.

a shout out to julian aka juju aka juliana aka princess juju - hope you get the starhub thing! all the best and CONGRATS in advance! ahah!

So then what i am doing now is sitting in aunt linna's new house. its fantastic and lovely and WOAH. it sooo nice, i wanna live here. its super NICE. hahaha so huge but still has the homely feel. how nice is that. yeap i just love the house. wheee. anyway i got better things to do now. lol! laters.

during radio i pretended to be a bimbo. then again nicole is gonna say.. gail, you don't have to pretend to be one. you are one. so fine whatever. after radio i headed back home, met beni at the bus stop, chatted for awhile, crossed over to wait for the bus. so then when i was on the bus i remembered, HUIYI! she finishes her a levels today! so i dropped her an sms askign her if she wanted to dine out for dinner and so we rendevous-ed and gem came along too! yeah! i haven't seen them in ages so its kinda quite a BIG thing. so we spoke, and we laughed and we listened.

first we went to gem's place. then to my place. huiyi wanted cds. so thens he got the CDs. gem took my moosey abercrombie shirt. i forgot that i actually planned to wear it on sat. so nevermind. goona meet her on monday again so we can actually exchange clothes. like yeah, i am running out of clothes. so exchanging is a good idea. you get new clothes without spending money. coolness aye? yeapp yeapp.

so then i'm deciding whether or not to go for her birthday bash. cos its like. hmm on a school night. yeah i'm a very good girl. and clubbing ain't really my thing. i'll see about it. yeap. besides i'm underaged cos i'm born grossly late in the year, 29th dec. yeap.

anyway, i'm looking forward to my paycheck?! where is it?!! i need money. badly. not badly, badly. but you know. my guitar is in the hospital? and clothes and phone bill. BAHHH!. come on. and you know what?! i;m sick. in the third week of school. no work and i'm sick?! how sick is that?! like uhuh, WEAK. blah. i used to be strong and FIT. now i'm weak and fat. whatever happened. i tell you what - mass comm happened. sheesh. anyway. i think i should go snooze should i. yea. tata.

one day you'll come running back to me, begging me for forgiveness. and i'll say - i've forgiven you. but what's lost is lost, and cannot be returned.

class today was a total bore. had to listen to her rant on about why we can't do this or that. or rather say listen to her repeat herself, not once but at least five times! okay so then that's that for class.

went bowling today, i not so proudly beat ken in his last game by a mere 6 pins. but he topped the day with a score which is soaring high - 258. 8 strikes and 1 spare in 11 frames. fabulous. the twins were ever so adorable trying to mimick their dad and insisting on wanting to bowl. when they can't even lift the ball. of cos they never got to bowling but they will one day. bah. they wore the baylor shirts today. they looked sooo cute in them. i love them to bits.

okay then i came back home, i did some work and watched project runway. its the only show that's airing on free to air TV that i watch faithfully now. cos they're soo behind in lost and why can't they just show something decent like CSI (not miami) or smallville or maybe angels in america or something. i think the population deserves more than just one fantastic show. okay counting lost 2. bleah.

anyway, its a good thing that robert isn't out of PR. i like him. i hate jay. but unfortunately, he wins this season of PR and robert gets eliminated in episode 8. how sad. bahh. he's kinda good looking you know. ahha! but he's like the most decent guiy around in the show. doesn't come off as a gay, although he might be one, and he seems at least till this point to be the LEAST BITCHY around. bah. i can't wait for next week's episode.

sometimes, i just wish i had cable cos ROME is showing on HBO. and naturally, without cable you don't have HBO. its starting 27th NOV, sun. i think its gonna be an awesome series. another hit, like band of brothers. bleah. i'm soo hung up on TV. it feels weird to have started school and be sooo relaxed. last sem by this time kinda keeping late nights already. oh wells. another long day of lectures ahead of me tommorow. my paycheck is coming in soon. WHEEE! soon soon. oh yeah i sent my guitar into the sinamex guitar hospital!!!! can't wait to get it back!!!! anyway, ciaos. laters.

okay, my sister is off to the sea games.. okay the training camp for the sea games in manila! yeah. she's gonna be gone for like hmmm 3 weeks? all she has to do is to train hard and row hard! all the best sister. go dominate!!! muahahhahaha! right. okay yeah. hope she really does well cos if she doesn't, it would be a real waste. yeap. its kinda cool to have a sister who's in team singapore, and i'm PROUD of it. hahah! for my sister that is... lol! okay you can see that i'm in my crazy mood.

okay so today was boring. of cos, i did up my webd journal. and then there's also the website. well well, of cos the day would be worse if not for the TV. rather say the dvd machine. yeap. we watched the notebook. many of you may not recognise the title, but its another of those nicolas sparks shows. and of cos, his shows are ever so bittersweet. i love it. haha! bahhh... being the "bimbo" i am. lol! as nicole would say.

so then, what's up for now? boredom i hate to say. i'm staring at my beautifully done up webd journal. i like the pictur infront. so serene, yet so intense.

hmmm anyway, guys i got some good stuff to sell. hmmm you see, my uncle flies and he's clearing his liqour collection cos he find he has too much to drink. so i'm selling it. anyway, my purpose is to raise some money for this girl who's a pastor's daughter studying nursing. she has like one more sem to go and she needs about 1000 odd to pay her school fees. so the money kinda goes to her school fees yeah? sooo anyone who fancies good wine or liqour.. its old wines, like hmmm 15 yrs plus and chivas regal which are also about 12 yrs, and some other good stuff from france and all over the world. anyone wanna buy just tag or drop me a line. aye? thanks guys!

i just stumbled upon my old blog.. the xanga one. its kinda weird how you stumble on things. anyway then i came to the part where i wrote my will? it's kinda fun actually reading it and its funny how things change over just a year, or less than that. how much certain people used to mean to you and how much they don't now? or for that matter how much certain people meant NOTHING to you, or you disliked them and how much they mean to you now. so i guess its time i update my will. after all, if i die tmr, i'd don't want my stuff to go to waste. so here it goes.

if i pass on, i, abigail chen jieyi with social security number s8743126f wishes to do with her belongings as follows:-

for fanny:
for you would be all my painstakingly taken sermon notes and notebooks and diaries and my drawings. i believe that you will take very good care of them. all these go to you because you have been such a great friend, and i really appreciate that you've been there listening to me whine and complain and trying to encourage me. so this is for you. together with a HUGE hug. i love you!

for stephie:
for you would be all my clothing, but of cos u'll have to share it with sarah and anna. and also you will get all my songbooks and my make up and accessories. thanks for being my friend and sister. i love you too.

for anna chen:
i know i've been mean alot of times to you. but i still love you, you know i do. so for you, i would bestow my beloved guitar which i'm gonna send to the hospital soon. but of cos if i die before i get the chance to, please give it a decent makeover.

for sarah chen:
you're the youngest. so you don't get alot. but you still get some of my clothes and my bible and my bags. you will also recieve my handphone cos you don't have one. love you too.

okay before i go on, i would like to say this one and for all, i love all you guys, friends and family!

for andrea chen:
you seagamer. i bestow on you my postcard collection. it may not seem like alot but there is alot of artistic stuff in there. and you like art i know. with this together you will also get my tracksuit.

for elizabeth tan:
my dear friend whom i've known since dunno when, i think kindergarten, you will get my laptop. so that you won't have to fight with your sisters over the comp. but in any case you do have a laptop already, you will NOT get it. you will get my nike watch which is now my dressing table clock and you will also get my esprit jacket. the khaki one.

for dad and mum:
whatever remains unclaimed will go to you. thank you for raising and supporting me all these years.

for grace yap:
grace grace grace, for you i have something very special. our marketing report! yes. the one where we scored like 84/100 on! yes, and of cos the locvid tape that i have. afterall, you went through all the crap with me didn't ya? you will also get my trashy and creative and bimbo magazines. i know you'd like them. at least i think you will.

for gary:
you will get my guitar picks cos you are always without a guitar pick. of cos, you will have to play alot of the guitar if i die and please learn and improve. together with that, you will get my movie stub collection, cos soo many of the movies i've watched it with you. hahha! so you get it. and i know you think its cool.

for robin:
robin, you will be bestowed kindly with my very first pair of drumsticks and my believer's guitar books will go to you. i know you are still learning the guitar. you just don't have the time.

for daniel:
you will get the josh groban CD which is technically yours but it came under my possession when you left for the states. that's the only thing you'll get.

for nicole:
dear bimbo friend, you will get nothing but my notes, and books and the projects of year 2.

for sarah grace sulistio:
you will still get my vcds, my posters and a new addition, since you're in china and you can't get any new christian CDs, you will get all the christian CDs that i own that were released after july 2005. that's my parting gift to you. i miss you alot! and your mom too, together with joelle and a lil of christian.

for anna soo:
you will get a portion of my savings so that you can go learn more stuff and improve your guitar skills. i miss you too.

for joanne:
you will get my pierre cardin wallet. believe me, it'll still be in a good condition. that's if i die soon.

for pohkwan:
you will still get my yearbooks.

for pearl:
you will get my advertising notes that we sooo painstakingly studied for together. you will also get my livestrong band, just to remind you to LIVESTRONG. don't give up.

for lynn:
you will get my tennis racket. cos you kindly lent me your when i asked. and you where soo patient with me when i kept forgetting to bring it.

for spencer:
you will get 3/4 of my bank's savings so that you can at least start saving. please work hard.

for miss cheok xueting:
you will still get my brains cos i promised it to you. hahah!

as for the remainder that i have not mentioned, anything that can be donated to third world countries will go to cambodia and thailand.

that's the end of my will.

i'm not rich, so i don't have much to give. i'm sorry to you guys who didn't get nothing. you know its weird. just weird how i thought of dying and it seems like i'm so calm about it. its frightening. i was thinking, what if me writing this will was because i really am going to die. oh wells a frightening thought.

i heard something today that really made me mad. now i know why.

okay i'm temporarily obsessed with vintage, calligraphic stuff. all started by buying a calligraphy marker. don't blame me, blame the co-op for having started to sell so much nich stationery. i know, i'm weird. but you know you need pens and pencils to draw? yeah. and i love doodling. haha! although sometimes its abit ugly huh.. haha! but i admit that the above image has been digitally enhance and altered but its mostly hand drawn by ME! i'm proud of it. well, sooo. i know i can't draw from nuts. i can write manuscripts, i can draw patterns, but i can't draw like things. ask me to draw a chair and it'll turn out like a table. seriously. i'm still puzzled. but i would really love to learn how to draw... like people and stufff.. you know. yeapp you should know. lol! oh wells.

i had PR lessons today. waas kinda fun but a lil awkward in terms of how the class was like literally divided into 2 sections. like us and them. its not that we want to be childish and go like "i don't friend you! hmph!", but just that we can't see eye to eye on many things and i guess its better not to purposely get together to create a cat fight... i mean afterall.. "where it is poosible with thee, make peace with all man".. i know it came from the bible, but i dunno where. so i guess not very wise you know... uhuh. yeap. so then headed down to church and went on a calligraphy frenzy.

i have decided to work on my stomach muscles so that i can try to loose that flab and love hangers. i seriuosly find it unpleasant to the eye. VERY. its an eye sore... to me at least. bahhh.

i'm becoming more like a sheeep. hahah! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! right. so then. anyway andrea(mysis) is sitting beside me and she's like studying. okay i just felt like telling whoever is reading that she is studying. RIGHT. lol!

brutally honest.

i've decided that i wanna do well this sem. i am aimming for a GPA of 3.2. of cos that means i'll have to at least get ALL Bs. so that's my goal for this sem. i mean that's what u're supposed to do when you start school right? set goals.

well, i have a feeling feature writing is going to be a blast for me. not that i aspire to be a journalist or what.. (i still wanna do advertising after the hell i went through last sem) but i just like the idea of writing features. maybe because i like reading them. so that's the most anticipated module of this sem.

webd seems like its going to be all hell breaking loose cos of the expectations. after seeing the previuos work done by other sem students, the bar has been raised way above where i am so its really gonna be difficult, but its still a challenge isn't. that's what i'm up for.

anyway, i don't know what else to say, cos in the past few days you've been the only thing on my mind.

i finally have a nice new CD.
david crowder band - a collision

i like it. its beautiful. very cool too. the "tagline" of the CD is "when our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision". i love it, love it, love it. don't you?

well. today was kinda fun. woke up early and finally went to IKEA for breakfast in a long time. i like the tea there, its NICE. i know, its kinda weird - tea. lol! after that i went to meet grace! yeahhh!! grace YAP! we went shopping... like really shopping... like ffrom shop to shop. saw some really nice stuff. but good thing i didn't bring much money so i couldn't buy. that's good you know. if not i would not know how much i would have spent today. so then we went walking and talking then she had to go, so we went out ways... that's when i decided to go to PS to check out on a VCD and the david crowder CD... soooo glad that i did. now i have my david crowder CD!!! yay!!! so then i went down to jurong point to meet my momma and my younger sis and we bought like... hmmm BRAS? hahah! sorry guys... haha. then i found out my mom was not gonna pay for me... so i have to pay her back.. makes me even more broke than i already am. so then the more broke than ever me headed together with everyone else to the ng's place... and yeahhhh that's where the twins, my darling twins are... so we stayed there for a bit and we moved back home... and then i got really moody.

fleeting moments. irreplaceable.

wow. i find it wildly amusing that... (10 amusing facts ... to me, with roman numerical count. WOW?!)

i) i'm talking to him now
ii) if noah is born on 29 nov, there will be a 29th clan. noah, me and the twins
iii) there's a 1st clan in the church. dan, jason and robin
iv) i'm actually sitting here watching the king and i, which is by the way getting more and more boring
v) i thought robin had double eyelids, then thought i found out that he didn't, then found out that he has double eyelids.
vi) there's actually a scissors, paper, stone website
vii) i'm trying to amuse myself
viii) i'm still talking to him... like a proper coversation for 1 hr?
ix) there's actually such a dumb show as DOOM, and robin actually went to watch it
x) i'm fat. i know its not very amusing... more like... disturbing

school's starting like for real. lol! and i want to jsut get down to work just so that i can occupy myself. cos i dun wanna be occupied with something else, or someone else. you know another thing i find wildly amusing is that, i still haven't gotten over him. i still wonder if i mean anything to him. okay maybe i should just stop dwelling on it. and maybe it'll just disappear. you know what i mean? blah. i should just shut up. okay shut up abigail. but i must say this... i still miss him. i think i said this a thousand times before.

i told a racist joke against malays today... on hari raya. how mean. bleah. that's my confession for today.

well, twins are so nice to be around. they just infect you with their smiles. anyway lebs has measles. poor guy. but anyway its good he has it now, he will never get it again so whee. maybe josh caught it, but we ain't that sure. anyway we brought lebs over to kk just to make sure. hope he has jsut mild measles or the poor guy. well well.

i've gotta go exercise. seriously. i hate being fat. okay to all those fatter ple out there i'm sorry. but i just cannot stand the feeling of being fat. it really is disturbing. it kinda disgusts me. bleah. so i'm gonna do something bout it. okay i'm going for a run and a swim tmr. so yeah. get some exercise. i'm aiming for my 2.4 km run next year's napfa (however you spell that) to be in 10 mins. another aim is next yr's standard chartered and hopefully nike real run. wow. okay. i shall work towards that. okay jsut people convince me that i can do it. lol!

just a foot note: i miss you... still

so much for school. its been alternate days i've been to school, and its been fun. haha! finally back to school! how exciting! monday was so-so. after IS lesson, we went down to KAP MAC to discuss a few event ideas. it was a hilarious discussion with a few X-rated ideas which a little over elaborated by sue en and sophia. hahah! but its was fun and some good came out of it. like the popcorn stand hahah! yeap.and macdonalds being out sponsors. like okay dude. we were going high on orange juice, tea and maple syrup. lol!

then today after the one hr lesson which we came for. like... okayyy practical was cancelled and we came only for theory of PR. like right... one pathetic hour. so then after that we had lunch and talked for so much sharing stupid stories and jokes. then we broke up... and szela was going to meet bong right, then she like called me and said the bong just "dumped" her. so back she came. and instead of going out, we ended up sitting in the atrium talking alot of crap and telling alot of lame jokes. it was a blast, the four of us, aggie, nic, szela and i. oh wells. then i just headed down to church. tmr's a hol again anyway.

then i heard about some stuff from somebody, and it really got me upset. its just weird how you can make me flip despite how far away you are. you once asked me what i'd do without you and i just answered life would just go on fine. but now, you have your answer. how is life without you, this is what i am. this is what i am.

yesterday and today, they've been a blast.

yesterday, i went to church and blah blah blah. then i went for dinner with the takhmau mates. not all of them but some of them. hahah! yeah. at indochine. we all had a great time laughing and chatting and catching up it felt good man! so eddy told all of us to bring 20 bucks right? so we did. uhuh. except me, i forgot to draw money. yikes! so we like happily ordered, i mean carefully calculated how much it was going to cost right. so i kept it bordering around 200. so we figured the bill can't be that bad. so i ordered. then we sat there ate and drank glass and glass and glass and glass...... of water! so it came to the point where we all wanted to go... so gopi turned to me, abi call for the bill? i was like uh... okay. so i did right. and when the bill came i was stunned. i looked twice, thrice. i could NOT believe my eyes. so i just went.. guys the bill is like... erm... 489 bucks... and i guess some either couldn't hear me or they like didn't believe me so i checked again. and i realised... we drank like 9 bottles of evian water which had cost us a hundred and eight dollars yes i have to spell it out. its like DUDE! 12 bucks a bottle?!!! like... gosh my pee's gonna be really expensive man! so then we all like panicked right. and gopi the man was the only one who was smart enough to go like... hey everyone, let's just fork out what we have. we we all dug our pockets dry. i mean like DRY. and we only managed to total 300++ right. so its like... hmmm all of us were like... silent treatment for eddy now. but the poor guy, i guess he didn't mean it. so it all ended when gopi decided to BE A MAN and pay with.. VISA - All it takes. hahah! right... so then he signed and blah blah we all walked off staring at eddy and soon his ordeal was over when we all split up and went into different cars and went home. but i guess, the fun was worth the money.

so then it ame to today right. i went over to help babysit the twins. yes, my darlin' twins who are as adorable and intelligent as ever. i love, love, love them sooo much. okay right. so then we went to their gym place and damn they had fun! so then we went back to their place and they played, and played and ate and then they went to sleep. haha! so we watched serendipity and then they woke up. they're just sooo adorable you have to be there with them to see it for yourself, you can't just describe it. i just still love them. can't wait for noah to come along. hahah! three of them! just AWESOME! hahah!

its just so difficult to let go of you. i don't know why, i just feel its not the same this time. i still wish i could be...... every little thing you wanted... all the time.

disclaimer: anything you read in this post is my personal opinion. and yes, i'm entitled to freedom of speech. if you feel it is defamatory then close the window and buzz off.

you know what. i officially loathe working at SR anchorpoint. its really totally the opposite of SR plaza. in terms or racial distribution and crowd distribution. its not that i'm racist. NO! i'm not. in fact the people that cause problems at APT are the chinese. rather IS the chinese. that chinese. i can't stand your slitty droopy eyes. you move sooo slow i'm sorry to say i feel like setting your ass on fire so you'd run around like ____________ (fill in the blank). and yes, stop blaming me for your mistakes. your incompetence is disgusting and don't make me a scapegoat for it. i'm utterly disgusted that you could shout at me for doing something when you were not doing anything. you're nuts to think i'd take this shit from you for 5 bucks an hour. i'll consider if you pay me twice that amount. but then again, i might still turn you down. ah, thinking of it makes my blood boil. no, hold that - steam, not boil. which i believe is not healthy at all. haha! so there i shall just forget about it, tuck it in my memory and not bother about it.

oh wells. school's starting next monday. but like the tuesday's a hol then the thurs again. its like... okayyy. soo ANTICLIMAX. lol! but i'm really looking forward to it. learning new things!!! WHEEE! i think everyone must be thinking i'm crazy, wanting to go back to school but seriously! it is exciting. i'm not dreading it ONE bit, no, not one.

okay i just had a long talk with somebody who i admire for her management skills. and i just realised how i can never say something straight to someone's face. how do i put it. i really don't wanna go back to work. i don't. putting myself in that position where i can just loose my mind anytime. he is enough to make me go crazy, i don't need anything more. no, NOTHING. i got to tell.

somebody saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaveeee meeeee!!!~

i feel accomplished that i could actually have a proper conversation with him. it feels good, gaining back a friend that i almost had lost. it really does. i like it!

then again there's the other side of life. i really unhappy with work. REALLY. the only thing is enjoy is having the company of certain people. i'm glad that desmond came down to anchorpoint. too bad he's going back tomorrow. it's really annoying that i have to take this from anyone. why did he have to pull me over to anchorpoint. if you wanna take some shit then do it yourself! don't drag me into it with you. I TOTALLY DO NOT APPRECIATE IT. and you still have the cheek to say you cannot take it and sooo you're going back and i have to stay in this place. your reason for pulling me over is very selfish. that's your problem you think you're perfect. bullshit. i'm glad i resigned. you have lousy managment despite the fact that you think you're superb. go away.

anyway, i went down early to anchorpoint today. finally did some shopping. a skirt and a pair of jeans. now what i need desperately are TOPS. yeah. but what i hate is that its so difficult to find nice tops that are worth its price. damn i hate shopping in singapore. oh yes, i need a pair of shoes and presentable slippers. bah. my pay... i can't wait. then i can go change my guitar's pick up and at the same time do some refurbishing and make it sound YUMMILICIOUS!

i still wonder what would have been. i still miss you, just not as much, nevertheless i still do. you'll always be part of my life. you're irreplaceable.

robin's right. i should just move on. how many times have i said this to myself? countless. oh wells. its always the case. i say something and i never get down to doing it. cos i don't want to... blahhh. and you all know why i don't want to. cos holding on always feels nicer than letting go.

bah. back to happy things. happy thoughts. or not so happy but rather frustrating. i'm still stuck at anchorpoint! its freaking boring?!!! like hello?! you pay me five bucks an hour to stand there and stone. come on, it can't get any better, but no thank you. bah please send me back to PS, i beg you. i like it there. haqiem, erica, zai yong, mei ling, david, andrew, jason, sakun, guan yee.... soo much better. so please let me be back there.

that aside, hmmm i dunno my life is sooo boring. i mean okay, yeah, whatever. i don't even know what i'm saying. what i'm saying is... I DON'T KNOW?!! blah. you know what, let me let you in on something. i wanna get married, and the only reason why i want to get married is the wedding. of cos i want to get married to a rich guy so i can have a nice wedding. then divorce him the next day. but that's sooo mean. haha and not like a rich guy will wanna marry me. ahha! bleah. but i'm kinda in love with weddings now. really. maybe its just the whole love thing rubbing off me. bahhh! but its true that every girl's dream is the perfect wedding. i guess. i think.

the perfect white dress, the perfect groom, the perfect place, its never rainy on a wedding day, the flowers, the bridemaids, the people, the car, right down to the forks and knives on the wedding dinner table.

dreams. have you ever sat down and thought which of your dreams ever came true? seriously. i shall start.

when i was in kindergarden, i dreamt of going to a non neighbourhood primary school. but did that happen? no. i mean after all, this kinda isn't your decision right? so oh wells. i lived with it. then when i was in primary school. i wished that i could get into a prestegious secondary school so i studied, unfortunately, not hard enough. but STC did fine for me. when i was in sec school, i competed in track right. so i always wanted to get an interschool medal, for that matter be good enough to be selected to be in team singapore. but tell me about it, i was soooo close and then there always had to be a screw up and whoosh the wind blows it far from me. then i tell myself, i need to study hard to get a schorlarship to go overseas to study. i wanted to do medicine, for real. but i never got that schorlarship and i end up still in spore studying communications. but i'm enjoying it.

its weird how your life feels soooo scripted. like it always happens this way in movies. especially when it comes to relationships. how your life is never in your hands. it is a fact, your life is not in your own hands. believe or not, your life is in the hands of the almighty.

i'm slowly letting you back into my life. i just need to salvage this friendship. its too precious to be lost. i feel that way, maybe you don't, but please respect me.

today i went for a movie with phua. just phua. it was GOAL. its kinda cool. not kinda. it is cool. beckham and raoul appeared in the show. hahah its funny how beckham's teeth are soo white. haha! okay the show was nice, but just not as nice as i expected. i expected something more adrenaline pumping. that just makes you like soccer even if you hated it. you get what i mean. yeah. but other than that it was good. well. just good.

but it reminded me of you sooooo much. i'm slowly leaving all that behind. one step at a time. all it's gonna take is time.

today's work was fine. just fine. i got shouted at on the phone. that's all. other than that i isolated myself. mind my own business and freak try to stay hell out of trouble and try to not think of you. proved to be quite effective. i'm making progress. anyway, they wanna transfer me over to the anchorpoint branch. i mean its near church and all but i really dun wanna be there. i;m used to ps and the ple here. and i'm only going to be working for 2 weeks more so why make me go somewhere i don't want to. i feel like throwing in the towel. if it were with anyone else, i'd go over but with eugene? i'm sorry i just can't work with him he's tooo proud for me. he jsut never listens. and maybe its because i'm proud too but i just can't work with him.

on the phone. another time.

today was hilmi's last day at work. i'm gonna miss working with him. he's fun to work with. very fun. and haqiem was not working today. oh wells. i can't believe they told him that i screwed up the cake orders. excuse me, if there's anyone who screwed up the orders its you, eugene. go away you ungrateful smug ass. i in anyway was the one who cleared up your mess and set things in order. you don't have the right to claim credit for any work done, much less to say that i screwed things up.

i'm really messed up now. and i think i'm losing my sanity. work has not made it any easier ever since you. its just weird how everythign happened at one shot. i started work and the very same day you came and told me all the shit and what not. it feel like ripping my life source away from me. but then my life source is not you. it should not be you. i need to know why i'm going through this. is this because you just simply cannot stand having me in your life. being friends is the next option that is up for grabs. and i would eagerly grab hold of it, just to be close to you. but its not the same. cos the closer i am to you, the harder it is to put you behind and move on. it just does not add up.

everyday since that day, i wake up. i slap myself in the face and tell myself, its just a dream, move on. then i go through the day, plaster a smile on my face and pretend to laugh when they laugh. and then when they talk about you, i pretend to be happy. i pretend to be interested. but really i don't want to hear about you. cos it hurts. it hurts to know that you out there enjoying yourself and i'm not part of it. i know its selfish. it hurts to know that you've moved on and i don't have that place in your life anymore. it hurst because i know that one day i have to face you and pretend nothing happened and that i'm all happy without you, better off without you. i want to believe that you're not worth it, but deep down i know, you're far more than worth it. the time that i spent with you was splendid. sometimes when i was with you, everyone around became oblivious. that feeling. something that nothing can buy. as much as i want to let go. i can't. i can't close this chapter because i will always wonder why. but then, for me to go to you and ask why, i make myself vunerable. its almost like holding your hand and taking a knife to stab myself. metaphorically.

you make me happy.

you make me sad.

who else can do that.

i want to put you behind me. i want to put us behind me.

yes gary, its an obssesion.

i'm suffering from self diagnosed depression.

let me tell you why i have all the symptoms except for thoughts of suicide cos, i know, i'm not ready to die. other than that. i meet the requirements.

i don't think i've ever felt so alone, although i know i'm not alone. but this is something i have to get through by myself. i mean no one else can help me other than Yahweh. but then again, maybe He has better plans.

its been a really tough few days. work has been getting on my nerves. i must quit. i must. but i dunno how to tell it to them. i'm contemplating exxagerating and making up some story. just so they won't hate me. i don't need anymore depise than i already have now. just the amount of despise i get from him is enough to send me to rock bottom. i'm sorry but i really can't take it anymore. not anyone complaining to me about who is not doing what and whatever, telling me what to do.... NO MORE! i can't do it anymore. going to work everyday and putting that freaking ugly smile on and pretending to be all happy go lucky. much less pretending to be all happy infront of the church people or my family. i wish i could just withdraw myself from this twisted reality. just for now, i wish i have short term memory - like the guy in 50 first dates. like after 10 seconds he forgets. but all i wanna forget is you. i wanna forget all you've done for me. call it ungrateful - but it really hurts to remember. maybe this is the consequence of taking you for granted. i really did, and i'm sorry. just don't do this to me anymore.

i need to forget you.

i'm losing my sanity, really.

i thought i saw him today. i mean it really looked like him. just a lil skinnier, a lil darker. then i snapped out of it. he's gone. almost forever. i've not been sleeping well this past few nights. i just wake up in the middle of the night and just think of him. i'm obsessed, that's what i am. i know i'm pathetic, yes, i am. i have come to a conclusion why i'm so affected by it. i feel like i've lost two people. other that being someone i really cared about, he was such a great friend. not the kind that is just a friend. he was always there for me as a friend. that's why i feel like i've lost two people. i know you can always find someone else to love, someone else to care about. but then such a great friend, its really hard to find. he said that we still can be friends. but i know, it'll be different. it will. i'm really at the end of me already. i'm just gonna crash anytime. one last push and that's it.

on the other hand, work's been a breeze, but too much of a breeze. pearl is gone. she's left me to suffer alone. but there's always the other part timers. i feel like if i quit, i'll owe them something. but then i really can't take it anymore. its tooo mundane, too routine, too boring. besides, i don't think i'm gonna get the nano. i really dun think i should anyway, cos anyway all it will do is remind me of him. so why should i right? may as well get something else. besides, i wanna play tennis. and working means no time or that. or movies for that matter, being the move buff i am. i have no time for anything. that i want to do. i dun have time to relax. i really should quit right? but then...

i don't know what i'm doing. i really don't i'm so affected that i'm living in a daze. i'm fading away.

okay mom's bday is over. hmmmm so its a necklace again - but this time its homemade! haha! thanks to.... Me. haha! right. okay work is getting more and more dreadful by the day cos i so do not want to work anymore. at least not for them. its not that they are not nice people, but they're just not nice to work with. but they're getting me to do so much different stuff that i feel guilty if i quit. haha unless they let me do the drinks bar or the cakes... i love doing that. rather than have to deal with shitty customers. u know i'm not very patient. okay so then there.

Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth. Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God? Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 40:26-30

this passage is very very encouraging. i really need the strength.

everything i need is You, my beginning my forever.

help me live this line.

i got my results. mediocracy. blah. i'm a lil happy that i passed all my mods but mediocracy is not something i find pleasant.

i couldn't sleep last night. all i could do was lie in my bed. i need strength. i can't go on like this. not for long. i'm ashamed of myself, i cried myself to sleep last night. szela, you've been a great comfort these past many days. thanks for being there for me. looks like we got something in common after all. so then i finally managed to get some sleep. and all i did was dream of you. pathethic, that's what i am.

pathetic adj. : inspiring mixed contempt and pity
insignificant adj. : Lacking in importance; trivial; Having little or no meaning.

that's the description of my being.

i'm a wreck.

you have made me into everything i'm not.

broke, broke, broke.
that's what i am. anything else i am? you know.

anwyay, work has been so boring. i mean its just NORMAL. then again its soo no brainer that sometimes my mind just wonders off to you know what.

actually i dun really feel like blogging. its so boring. i mean this is my life so what. so there. i think i shall just get lost.

but its time to face the truth...
i will never be with you.

its been a rollercoaster ride. if you caught me anytime this week, i'm either hysterical or no fun to be around at all.

work has been okay. still working towards my ipod nano - my sole motivation for working. i miss the twins. okay that was random. yeap. so then, fri and sat was the usual stuff. my results are out on the 6th which is 4 days from now. yeah. i hope i do well. but i think the chances are quite slim. but then again. oh wells. everything is in His hands. at least i hope. oh wells. so today was just bummin' around. went to gran's house for lunch. came back bummed around, watched lost. yeap that's about it. very very boring day. but since when have i not been boring ever since _________. so yeah, what's new?

tmr would be nice. tennis and just hanging out with fanny. TENNIS, finally tennis. yeap. oh i found this cool site. one of the the top wedding photographers in the WORLD! http://new.davidjay.com . that's it. the photos are really nice. haha! yeah weddings make me happy!

i'm going to sleep. i guess cos i just got nothing to do.

i deleted him from my msn. i just could not bear having him online cos i'd just be reminded.

i'm leaving you behind.

it's just you.

you're always just around the corner; it feels like you just gag me and take me by surprise.
not in a good way though, its only the feeling of you and nothing else.
then it just fades away and i remember that it's all gone...

its just even more disturbing that work can't even distract me. i've been in a foul mood since. step on my toes and i flare up. what's wrong with me?! what is?!

its really too much to take. i need to talk it out. face to face with someone, just anyone.

work's been fine. still working to get my nano. i've decided - BLACK, that's my colour. pearl's last day is on the 9th of october. sigh. my dear pearl why have you forsaken me?! i think i shall leave at the end of october. or should i keep my promise. okay i should keep my promise. so then till december. i shall quit on my birthday! haha! a self given birthday present. lol!

its you again. birthday presents.

anyway, i watched crash. fantastic show. great plot and cinematography. everyone should watch it. i've not had a movie in two weeks, i think. should go for one soon. maybe my next movie shall be GOAL. seems like a nice show.

its you again. soccer. then again, which guy does not like soccer except my brother.

yeap, that's it. i'm off work on sat, sun and mon. hahah feels good huh. but that means that i have to work longer to get my nano. sigghh. then i dun just want a nano, i want to send my guitar for refurbishing. that's gonna cost me a bit. okay, its really difficult for me to save, being the spendthrift i am. so help me. bleah.

anyway, i'm tired. i think you are too. reading me rant on about my boring, pathetic life. so another time then shall i bore you again with it. blah.

i've got nothing left to say.
i can't believe that you ask me if i'm alright. you your damn self centred head to think. what the hell do you think? and you say i should be? go AWAY.

to sleep last night was really hard.

i finally managed to put myself to sleep.

work was fine yesterday. putting on that pretense. that was more tiring than the work. have to do it again. i have to let go. the sooner the better. move on.

i need to. please don't waltz back into my life as yet.

its over. i can't believe you gave me that overused, f***ed up reason. you have no idea what you have done. and no, i'm not going to tell you, cos you can't be bothered to give a freaking shit about it. no you can't. don't pretend like you care. i know you don't. this is probably the stupidest thing i've done in my entire life of almost 18 years. you say it like it's for my own well being. look into the mirror, you don't care what the hell happens to me. you just care about yourself because you're still the same selfish jerk since the day i knew you. i was going to use the "bastard" word on you, but technically you're not one cos you have both parents. honestly, i pity them. wasting their life trying to raise you to be something you will probably never be. i know its so hypocritical to pretend to be all happy infront of you and cursing you behind your back. but so what. i think you deserve less than that. you deserve to be ignored, spat at, despised for all you have done. but there's one thing that i don't hold against you. telling me once and for all. cos then i can finally tell myself, you're not worth it. which is very true, you are not worth one bit of my life, affection or even mindspace. if i could draw a perceptual map of you, i don't think you should exist anywhere near the good side. go ahead and move on with your self centred life. i shall move on with mine, first, i'm gonna throw you out of my life, cos you don't deserve to be part of it. get lost. be gone from me.

please, Yahweh, help me to forgive.

first, i have to start by saying that the first day of work was not so enjoyable. i didn't expect the people there to be so unfriendly - except for a few staff like meiling, eugene, andrew and rebecca and of cos my dear pearlie. i don't expect you to be perfect, so please do not expect me to be. everyone makes mistakes and we learn from them. i guess it was the guests that actually made me feel more comfortable. there was this guy who like asked me some stuff which i totally had no idea about -

him: if i have a cake i get a free tea right?
me: i don't know... *wonders*
him: oh it's state outside
me: oh okay, then i guess so
him: you didn't know?
me: uhuh, i'm new. first day.
him: ah i see, its okay, i'll have..............

10 mins later

me: ______________ cake, enjoy your meal.
him: why you so tense? relax! i won't eat you up *laughs*

it may not seem like alot, but it really did help. so then i was standing for 6 whole hours and my back was driving me crazy. it hurt like mad. i was soooooo eager to knock off work. i just hope today would be different - better.

i couldn't sleep last night. when i finally fell asleep, i woke up again at 2. then again at 5. and i dreamt of you again. whwn i couldn't sleep all i could think about was you. maybe this has become an obssession. i hope not. soon, soon.

i've been thinking. phua and i were talking that day and i realised how messed up my life is. not int he worldly sense, but spiritually. it's just a scary thought, what if i died today? i know, yes, i'm a worship leader, i play the guitar for church, i serve yahweh. so what? my life is just not right. my classmates say,"gail, you're a pastor's daughter". how shameful is that? i told myself before going into poly that it will be different. i will be a living testimony. but look at me now. i feel like a failure. i've failed myself, i've failed those around me and most importantly, i've failed yahweh. i envy those in the ministry. everytime i watch the hillsong dvds, i wonder what is it like to live your life just for Him. to spend all of your days, just sitting at his feet, learning from Him. Giving him your best, your talents. if only. i wish i could be like them. so what if i observe the laws and blah blah blah, my life don't even show it. no, not a bit. i feel so helpless and so lost. my life is like a waste. i need a change. help me yahweh.

so much work, all in a day.

i woke up at 10. bummed around for a while. then sat down for breakfast and the rewatching of runaway jury. how nice. then it was off to tidying the whole house and mopping it. that was done in a jiffy. then it was off to church. sole motivation - the twins. haha!

so yes anna and i were really thirsty and so we wanted to buy juice unfortunately we are soooo poor that we were short 10cents.

anna: we can borrow from someone
me: er... i'm providing the $1.85 you go borrow the balance 10 cents.
anna: you go with me! (whinning)
me: no you go
anna: fine...

5 seconds later...

anna: ahhh!!! she dun haveee....

okay whatever. so then we jsut settled for minute maid. okay so then down to church. the twins were sooo excited. they just came from gym so they were still in gym mode climbing everywhere and anywhere. haha! yeah so cute. then i hung out with them for a bit before going down to help out clearing the carpark. what we did really reminded me of cambodia. oh wells. so then... yeah i was working workign working... went for a short break then working and working again. trying to occupy myself, unfortunate enough for me - clearing up is a no brainers job, so they whole time i was thinking of him. again. i know, hopeless. so it was down to just aunt christina and i clearing the whole carpark, sweeping up all the leftovers (not like food leftovers but like grass and dried leaves). i promise, i don't think i've seen the church carpark cleaner. seriously. okay then i went up for dinner and then some shouting and annoying things happen and then yeap home i go. and home it was. took a shower, started uploading photos. as you can see there are a few new albums. but forgive the narcism in some of the albums cos i was simply plain bored. yeah. anyway my arms are alll aching, together with my back. how am i gonna work tmr. first day of work. sighhh... i need to be impressive. first impressions do matter. i can smell my ipod nano. drools.

i'm still thinking of you. i'm still very much in love with you.

3 days, feels like forever.

to anyone who doesn't know and should know, i'm starting work at secret reciepe at PS next week. so feel free to drop by. i'm working towards my ipod nano. haha! and also my guiat refurbishing. so many things to pay for. and i still someone money for the racquet. gosh. my finances are tight. haha! right. so we had church today. and everything was as normal. the twins still as cute as ever. they have this new trick - you ask them "who's handsome" and they will eagerly throw their hands up in the air and shout "me!" haha! so cute right! yeah so i jammed with robin after church today. and yeah it was a blast. then i went down and then again it was a blast. the twins were just soo adorable. so the adults had their chit chat. we had our fun and it was time to go home. so here am i sitting here blogging for you people to read. i think. or is it for myself. my sister struggling with forming hypothesis statements.... which she asked me for help but i'm really OVER with MRM. really. so there you have it... all in abigail's day... not quite.

i've been dreaming of him like nonstop. really NON stop. it just sucks. i can't escape him at all. not one bit. since the hols i've missed him more. can't he just call, or drop me an email or whatever, just to show i still exist in his world. its just so difficult. its just so difficult to forget what he once said. what he once promised. someone said i should never trust guys when it comes to this... cos they always and never fail to let you down. i'll remember that the next time. but for now, its been said and done. what has become of me? what will become of me?

i need you.

it has been an eventful day.

other than the having to wait for that smug ass for soo long its been a good day. Camp ADEN has been postponed to the 7-10th of March 2006. oh wells that leaves me with alot of time. giappy is probably gonna quit the comm... i'm actually thinking of it too, but... oh wells i'll see. okay so after that meeting, i went to speak with gopi for awhile about a supposed upcoming gathering for the takhmau mates. i then went to meet gary to get my elixirssss.... ELIXIRS!! ahhaah. okay then eliz came along. and then it was....

cinderella man!

okay knowing the movie buff i am, i would also be a movie critic. but there's not one thing to criticise about the movie. its all praises for the movie and only praises.

let's start with the basic. the plot - it was fantastic. the build up to the climax and the ending. splendid. the cinematography - marvellous. the use of the grainy look was classic in bringing out the essence of the film. just right. the casting was then again perfect. russell crowe fits the role perfectly. his eyes can hold that amount of weight, the determination. it the kind of movie that makes you jump out of your seat. the kind that gets you so involved in the show, you feel like you were right there at the place. and if you knew me better, its the kind of movie that if i were sitting at home watching it, i would be shouting, screaming and jumping. yes. me going crazy, bannanas. the excitment was just unbearable. i could not sit still. and they says its just a movie. it just makes me want to be there. i'm glad i caught the show in the cinemas. it deserves nothing less than that. what i can say is that it was worth every cent in my pocket or more.

so guys, if anyone is thinking of catching a movie. cinderella man is definately the number one choice.

that aside, i've decided to go for the job at sheraton. i know weird working hours. but come on! 6 bucks and hour? no way. i can smell my ipod nano. hahah. yeap. so there, the interview is tmr. i'm gonna snag the job, i hope. so yeah. anyway its the bed for me now. gotta catch the sleep cos my eye bags ain't getting any better.

i've missed you. i'm still missing you.

a new blogskin where the stupid image is NOT displaying.

yes i know. no chatterbox, or any place for you to talk. yi sze that's what u're gonna say right? but i dun want a crowded layout... i'll put up something, soon. so its been a dreadful two or three days. i how long has it been i don't know. i lost track of time. but in any way, its been very unpleasant except for the part where i meet up with esther or the part where i sit and chat with eliz or fanny. i'm just thinking... what have we all come to. all this gossip and back biting and what not... i feel ashamed for myself and for all others out there. its not easy to be able to sit there and just pretend the whole world is a bed of roses without thorns - which by the way does not exist. its just extremely embarrassing. this kinda gossip and back biting in school ain't that bad... but in a church? gosh... you've gotta be kidding me. like HELLO?! its a church?! bleah. beats me.

anyway, its getting late. and i'm still tired as usual. and i've got this freakign irritating blocked nose. soo uncomfortable. how am i gonna sleep tonight. bleah. plus my bed is horrid. totally no support for my dear back... which is ACHING. sigh. why am i dreading sleep. what a joke. someone can actually dread sleep. maybe i'm dreading sleep cos sleeping means i have to move on tmr to sit in the same room as that ignorant, proud, haughty, MCP. gaaahh... CAMP ADEN... *shakes head* but what i'm looking forward to is the movie with eliz and my pack of elixir strings! wheeee!

yes i need to go. and yes i'm still a wreck. and yes, it's because of you. yes you. you know who you are. and so do they.

its been only a day.

it feels like a week.

you know why, just not being me again. since when have i been me right? i mean since then, i've never been me.

i need a job. i want a job. cos i want my ipod nano.

i'm going to meet esther on monday. bowlin' - but not for soup, just for fun. another thing i need? tennis. yeah, TENNIS. i've not played since i don't know when.

i need to forget.

i want to just fade away...

exams are over...

yeap. i'm not very excited about it. cos i have less to think about. which means more of you. i need something that can occupy me better than you can. so yesh on with it. after the exams, we hung out - nicole, yawen, liz, amanda, robyn and shane. the eight of us. it was carls jr. and then we just walked and walked and talked and talked and laughed and laughed and bitched (the last of which i'm not very proud of, but its what we did). so we had a really good time.

so then it was down to church. had a great time of worship. seems like the only time i can ever take my mind off you. i know. pathetic. but i guess its my only escape.

that aside, i was really tired so i slept till 12 and i have come up with 10 reasons why i am not a real woman.

10. i don't talk like so super softly
9. i hate the whole be slim and beautiful thing (cos i'm not haha!)
8. i hate the whole soapy... let's cry about it thing. i admit yes crying can be stress relieving, but crying over like whoever knows what. no. not me
7. i like to be sweaty, of cos not all the time, but when i do sports (some people think its not even human, but it proves work)
6. i find burping and farting fascinating, i mean if you need to let it go, you have to...
5. i don't like all the uber dressy things, like wearing necklaces and earings, i think they are redundant
4. i don't like to wear skirts which i believe are for women
3. i don't like long hair, not on me
2. all the preppy sutff like how you sit, how you walk, how you should speak, things you shouldn't say blah blah blah... i think they're crap.

number one on the list:

i don't understand how women take sooo super long in the toilet even if its just a piss. it just does not make sense. i mean in the toilet cubicle not the toilet-toilet...

with this i conclude... i'm not a real woman. i'm not confused. i'm just not the real woman people expect women to be you know the kind in shows and blah blah blah. no, not me. i'm just plain me - XX chromosoned and lovin' it.

mrm is overrrr.... OVER! like wheee! hahah! SPSS be gone from me, you vile programme that still plagues my laptop with installation prompts... haha

oh wells. so now its all down to advertising. other groups have gotten back their reports. not us. its just not there. so i guess we'll have to go in blind. sheesh. yeah. okay so yesterday, pearl, lynn, han yuen, say wee and i, were supposed to study advertising. we ended up laughing and talking and what not. but nevermind... exam stress... excusable. haha! yeah. so today pearl is supposed to be coming over. she's supposed to be here anytime. but i have a feeling she's gonna be really late. haha.

*shouts out*my dear pearl... WHERE ARE YOU?

yeap. so i'm left with never ending 5 chapters of advertising. blah. that's like soooooooo much... *spreads arms out wide*. hahas. i just realised how broke i am. i drew money yesterday and i'm left with 40 bucks in my account. so i have 40 bucks with me.. so that leaves me with 80bucks. i need you guys to return me money!!! for the newpaper project. u know... 4 dollars per person. you guys know who you are.... grrrr.... yisze... i got ur paul frank shirt as leverage... haha! i'm insane. really. haha...

i just realised something... i don't use any other punctuation except for .!' in my posts. i should seriously start considering proper punctuation and spelling for that matter. cos my spelling really sucks. and being in mass comm my english is supposed to be good.... hmmm *ponders*. okay i shall try. unfortunately, i'm nearing the end of my post; but i got a few lasts words.

sheesh. sounds like i'm passing.

i still want my ipod nano. anyone with job recommendations, please inform me! as long as the working hours are quite flexible. i can't work on friday evenings (1900 hrs onwards) and saturday mornings and afternoons (before 1900). yeap. i need to earn about 800 plus, so that i will still have savings.

the frustrating thing is, i was lying in bed last night. i couldn't sleep. i was trying to put my mind at ease, relax, but it just wasn't working. thanks to you. i wondered what could have been. then i wondered, what would have been if you never came into my life. things might be so much more peaceful, so much less tiring. then again - those moments with you, i'd never trade for anything. this pain, i trade only in exchange for you.

ipod - nice

ipod mini - quite nice

ipod nano - IRRESITABLE!

i must get it. i'm motivated to get a job. someone get me a job.

which would you prefer?

the silent treatment a.k.a the cold war

or

the heated argument

i choose the second. what's worse than feeling unwanted or ignored? throw me out of your life.

be that way. you're not worth me feeling like shit. at least i try to convince myself.

mrm tomorrow. for now i;m still stuck on advert... i woke up at 1030. before everyone except andrea. u know what. i've been studying since then and i've not even completed four chapters. i know. loser. bleah. i dunno what's become of me. sigh.

i went out on thursday with robin, eliz, gary and jacque. caught longest yard. its super funny. but somehow i didn't enjoy the movie that much. after that we went for supper at jalan kayu, sat down to just talk. really crappy stuff. like the supernatural and stuff. haha. then jacque drove us to gary's place and gary drove me back. thanks phua for the lift.

anyway i was talking to robin yesterday. and i realise how much of myself i've lost. i think all that is left of me is pride and anger. i'm just so afraid that i'm gonna lose you forever, and together lose myself. so i'm so afraid to let go. i'm sorry i offended you but in return you did not offend me... instead you hurt me. when i hear them talk about your past with you and her, i just wanna shut them out. what has become of me. like the exams are just less than 24 hrs away and i'm still bothered by this. i need someone to pull me out of this mess i've gotten myself into. but then again. i dun wanna get out of the mess. i wanna tidy the mess. i want it to go back to the way it was. you know. ahhh. this is sooo bloody tiring. so draining.

i shall leave you, one of the spectators of my pathetic, pitiful unwanted being, to bury myself in my books. goodbye for now.

i've almost finshed today's quota. but i think i shall go out first. haha! my my.
but i'll finish it tonight. yea TONIGHT.

i made a pact with eliz. by the end of the month we'll know.

but for now.

this is enough for me.

You know me best.
You know my heart.
You love me more than anyone else.
everything -
in Your time.
in Your plan.
i place my life in Your mighty hands.
i surrender to You.

yesterday. i finished studying 4 chapters of media research methods. i promise hypothesis testing, chi-square and correlations are totally foreign to me. i have no clue what it is all about. like TOTALLY. okay so in the evening we went over to aunt theresa's house to bake cookies. yummy. haha. the twins were there for quite a bit. they've really grown alot so fast. can stil remember them as tiny little beings. hahah but they're waay cuter now. ahah. yeap. so then the baking and the baking and the eating. YUMS. slurp.

okay so i was supposed to wake up today at 9 to study. but no. i slept till 11. damn. then i tried to understand hypothesis testing, chi-square and correlation all over again.. but i still can't so forget it. move on. so i've finished the chapter on research ethics. so i'm left with 3 more chapters for the day. then i'm going out with eliz, robin, gary and jacque. haha! yay! bleah.

anyway. a shout out to my group mates this sem. for advert, we braved the worst. and we pulled through in the end. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. to mrm. the four of us... we rock!!! hahah! study hard. don't waste that grade! to MM. we've done well too. decision making assignment was fantastic. i think business plan was good too. so there you have it. tv prod. to hell with it. we've done it. i mean we managed to pass and did not get slammed. so haha. lastly for newspaper proj. to the people who deserve to be thanked. thank you. thanks for sticking together. you guys were very comforting to have around.

so there you have it the soap opera of year 2 sem 1 summarised in a paragraph.

it reminded me of you again. yes AGAIN. i hate thinking of you. i hate getting up and you being the first thought of my day. i dread my waking everyday. everything you said, it was a lie. why must you be always lingering at every corner. that street, that shop, that eatery, that song, that movie. i dare not tell anyone because i'm afraid it'll hurt too much. those moments that used to be precious. they are moments of pain. i think i'm nothing to you. nothing. you said it yourself.

its over. i mean the projects. handing in the paper later. these past few days have been rough. esp for yawen and yisze. you guys are such darlins! hahaha yeah. it was fun staying at yi sze's place. haha all the nonsense and all the work. then lai came over and haha! u know the story... you do the math. so we got it printed on sunday and i went to meet ken and elaine. haha. yeap. then home i go. u realise the story is going too smooth to be true. cos i excluded some unpleasant parts for the sake of my sanity. i can't believe she used the f*** word on me. i was trying to hold myself together. she really teated my patience there.

but its just been tough for all four of us there. i mean taking so much shit from someone is commendable. trust me. all the subbbing until we cant sub and all the laughing till we cry. one word - unforgettable.

well i guess it over. and the hols would do us all some good. i hope so. it would be perfect. oh wells. i don't wanna think about it so much already. its just that everything is sooo hypocritical. everyone including myself.

forget it. its just tooo tiring to think about it. move on.

speaking of move on. sigh. i'm still unhappy with what you did. you didn't even apologise.

why must you do this to me. everytime i try to forget you, you suddenly come back into my life. it hurts. i shall be brutally honest with myself and you. your unresonable comments over the past few months has made me wonder but then i realise that i am who i am, what am i. infront of you, i pretend your comments don't matter and just laugh it off . you just make me seem so insignificant and so freaking bad... like i'm the scum of the earth. i hate you for that. but then again i can't bring myself to hate you. so all i can do is sit here and be angry at myself. i do not need to take all this from you. adding to my alrady heavy work load, to my already sleepless nights, to my already battered mind, to my already torn down self regard. i DO NOT need all this crap from you. but i'm still holding on to that hope when i know i should let go. i don't know if you've made a better me or if you have destroyed me. can you leave me once and for all. although it would hurt. but at least you'll be gone and i'll have my time to forget. i think its sooo much more better that way. i hate you. i hate you. i hate you. get out of my life. i don't you to give me more of what i can't handle anymore. GET LOST and LEAVE ME ALONE. i was right at the beginning. you are a jerk. they were all correct. i can't believe i distrusted all the people closest to me just to trust you. you're not worth my trust. NO, not even one bit. i feel i've been lied to for the past year. i really don't need anymore of this. i'm too tired.

okay i just got back from almost a full day out. just in school doing work AGAIN on a sunday.

at least we finished what we came to do. MM business plan. so now its just down the MM presentation, ad plan and pitch. wowness. okay that's soo bimbo. so yeah. i did work. did work and did work. WOW! honestly, i don't think i've ever been so hardworking before i came to poly. seriously.

okay so we finished off at 6 and we had to get stuff for presentation. so we headed down to town. nic went to meet her dearest boyfriend. so that left liz, yi sze and i. so then we wanted to go for threading. sooo we went to this place near far east SHOPPING CENTRE... i never knew such a place existed in singapore!!! its soo sleazy. its freaky. i hate that place. i don't think i'll ever go back there AGAIN. i promise. so then we headed down to zara. found not satisfactory. then we headed to esprit. at first it was like ugh. then all of a sudden we spotted this really nice brown jacket. slightly vintage. and it was on 299!!!! then our eyes shifted to see the 70% off tag!!! we were like hysterical! so liz and yi sze tried it and they both LOVED it. i like it tooo.. but nevermind. haha! so they were like should we buy. so we decided to go back later. so we walked on and on. and then soon enough... we went back. and guess what its orignal price was actully 189!!!! which makes it only 56 bucks!!!! that was the last straw. they just had to buy it. lol! so then we went in search for more stufff... and then we sat down to rest cos we just really tired from walking everywhere and work. then we just started talking. and then we went home.

so now i'm sitting at home. hmmm. its gonna be a long week ahead. a tough one too. hmmm challenges. i love them. one thing i learnt is that any challenge that comes your way... EMBRACE IT. you won't believe how much you learn.

i was thinking on my way back. and i realised.. that you're always on my mind. you're the first thought that comes to my mind in the morning. you're the last thought of my day. but maybe i should just give it up. i know one thing for sure. you don't feel the way i feel about you. so why bother right. i may as well let go. move on. afterall, that's what you wanted. so maybe i should... i feel too tired trying to hold on.

okay i think its another week. okay no its not. i dunno! haha.the past few days were fine. or good? hmm parents still not back. another 5 more days of freddom. this week is gonna be sooooo busy. busy busy busy me. okay gem said that she's afraid of me cos i've become a bimbo. like..... right. i'm not a bimbo okay.

anyway. today was nice. haha! woke up at 10. did every morning thing. then left the house to get my shoes changed. mission accomplished. lol! then we went to church met aunt yen there. then pastor augustine picked us up from church to go to SICC for lunch. the roast beef was perfecto! then after lunch we went to meet fanny and janice for a movie. VALIANT. it was okay. not as good as i expected it to be. okay then we went a lil of shopping and we bought a small handbag. the kind the tai tai carries cos they only put their credit card and handphone in the bag. yeah.

then here am i sitting at home. i know i got work to do. but i am so not doing my work. somebody slap me.

okay gilmore girls is on now.why do i have a feeling i'm sooo not going to get down to work today. bleah.

Every Little Thing by Dishwalla

Let me in to see you in the morning light
To get me on and all along the tears they come
See all come, I want you to believe in life
But I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
And when you find out who you are its too late to change

I wish I could be everylittle thing you wanted, all the time
Oh, I wish I could be everylittle thing you wanted, all the time, sometimes

Lift me up, just lift me up dont make a sound
Let me hold you up before you hit the ground
See all come, you say your alright
But i get the strangest feeling that you've gone away, you've gone away
And when you find out who you are too late to change

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, all the time
Oh, I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, every thing you wanted, all the time

Don't give me up
Don't give me up tonight
Soon nothing will right at all, salvation
Cause when you find out who you are too late to change
Too late to change

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, all the time
Oh, I wish I could be every little thing you wanted every little you wanted all the time
This time, everylittle thing you wanted all the time, oh
But I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away

i love this song. its soooooo EMO. lol. reminds me of nurul and someone else. hmmm okay. i propose a toast to the passing of Field Assignment 2! so yes finally. but then there was another let down today. i shall not say much about that. anyway i must make a shout out for benita...

FLEA MARKET AT NGEE ANN CONVENTION CENTRE TMR! the typical singaporean style? CHEAP CHEAP!!!!

yeap. anyway. MM deadline has been shifted so first on my list of pressing assignments.... *drumroll*

TV production Chat and Demo Show 26 August
MRM survey analysis and findings presentation 26 August
following that would be...
MM business plan 30 August
then comes my most thought mod...
Advertising Campaign Proposal and Presentation 1 September
last but not least...
Newspaper Project 5 September

doesn't seem like a long list but given the time we have and the work load. its hell lot of work yea! Its soooo "comforting". i can't believe Ramani actually asked me why my face is so swollen?! i was like... can't be that bad. Then i realised- it is that bad. sheesh sleep deprivation. oh wells. today MM class was fun. hahah aggie's big break. hahah! okay inside joke. lol! well well. work work work is all i am now. yes yes say it. NO LIFE. i can't wait for this to be over. then i can take a huge break. yeah. oh wells.

i wish i could be every little thing you wanted.

okay i haven't blogged in what seems like super long. but no. its only 5 days. just so much has happened it seems so much time has gone. yes jo, i know i'm very very sleep deprived. but i didn't know i looked that bad that you could tell straight off. i really need sleep. yeah. this is why i can't be a writer i can never organise my thoughts. like NEVER. everything is always scattered. okay so what happened in the past few days.

i have a huge burden off my shoulders. i feel a lil bad. but he had it coming. i mean the excuses where crap too. its nothing personal really. its just work.

okay that aside, everything is piling up. TVprod chat demo show, which we are sooo totally unprepared. i mean we haven't even got a confirmed talent. like okay. its in two weeks time. then there's advertising pitch which i am sooo gonna work my ass off for. then there's also MM business plan. almost marketing all over again. just easier. next up is MRM's research findings and stufff. we are all so clueless on. like okay.... what's up? hahah! then there's newspaper project which i'm so glad i'm the designer. my responsibility is to layout not write. which i have proven myself to be totallly hopeless at. that's the last but not the least. after all these projects there's still advertising exam and MRM exam which MR GOPI so kindly reminded me of. bleah. thanks alot mr gopi.

okay so today i practically spent half my day travelling. first in the morning to pulau ubin. lesson was supposed to start at 1030. but i was late but guess what mr mike and the rest of the group was later. so that makes me early. haha. so lesson was supposed to end at 12 right? as so said ont he timetable. but lesson STARTED at 12. haha! brilliant aye? haha! so i was supposed to interview gopi at 2. thank goodness he's only a phonecall away and that he's accomodating. i'm so blessed that my interviewees have all been sooo nice and accomodating. anyway so after class we all headed back to wherever and what a pleasant surprise! i met fanny at the bus stop. so i chatted with her for a abit and headed to gopi's office for the interview. i got over and done with it. i just couldn't think of anything to ask. so it was really quick. then i chatted with him for a bit and i made my way to go meet jo to pass her the LG cd. like FINALLY!!! lol! i met kelvin too. yeah. like FINALLY. hahah!!! sounds soo bimbotic. haha! then i decided to head home and yeah home is home. could finally shower. ahhh i feel clean.

i think that about all i have to say. i'll post up my class photos soon. soon. hahah! yeah. busy busy busy weeks. i stress WEEKS ahead. then its the HOLS!!!! i can't wait for that. oh that reminds me. camp ADEN.

our booth should be up next week. its an adventure camp. two expeditions. land and sea. i'm in land expedition tho. so support me!!! its only 20 bucks but i promise its gonna be ALOT of fun and sweat. but no promises yet!!!! see y'all!

in love with love itself.

daniel just left. this morning.

hmmm yeap. haven't blogged for long. been really really busy. everything is piling up. and its still piling up. work work work. that's all i do these days.

okay back to work. sheesh.

as u can see i deleted the previous post. its kinda depressing so yea to hell with it.

FOP is this weekend. i missed yest. its not like i'm dying to go but i would like to go. should i?

for now music practice. byees.

long day today.

anyway. i got up at 6 and i was so tired i seriously thought of not going for morning lectures. so i actually went back to sleep and i dreamt that she PC said something reallhy important in lecture so i was shook awake and then yea yea i went for morning class. the whole day. typical.

then i went to help set up the booth. gosh i really dreaded it. but i guess steph made it much more enjoyable for me.

so on the way home. i was messaging someone and the someone said something about certain forms of transport being safer. then it just struck me that no where is safe unless your life is in His hands. yes. He's got the whole world in His hands.

i love the new passion cd.

its a reflection by the way...

okay guess what my sister is in the papers. not her pic. i know big deal. but she a national canoeist okay! big deal okay. i admit. i'm wee bit jealous. but she's my sister right. older sister btw. read sports section, h12. yeap!

hmmm yea. so today's photography class was fun. running all over esplanade and city hall. taking pictures. i finally understand why photographers dress in berms and light t shirts. cos its DAMN HOT! yea i took some nice photos. wil be up soon. yea. hmmm soo. hmmm. after that we discussed advertising. finalised sales promo design. yea. splendid aye? haha! oh yes and when we left caltex house there was this group of people dressed in colonial clothing promoting some HBO series. haha and so we went to take photos. and the guy was so nice. he offered to take a photo with us! haha! and i promise he is good lookin and UBER tall! lol! and has heavy arms too. maybe it was just the clothes. anyway. did i say he looks wee bit like ben affleck? haha. yea. then i had something on so i rushed off.. lunch and desserts (fondue)!!! YUMMMMM!!! then offf.... the rest of the day i shall keep to myself.. winks!

so i'm sitting here trying to figure out why blogger ain't publishing my photo!