i'm suffering from self diagnosed depression.

let me tell you why i have all the symptoms except for thoughts of suicide cos, i know, i'm not ready to die. other than that. i meet the requirements.

i don't think i've ever felt so alone, although i know i'm not alone. but this is something i have to get through by myself. i mean no one else can help me other than Yahweh. but then again, maybe He has better plans.

its been a really tough few days. work has been getting on my nerves. i must quit. i must. but i dunno how to tell it to them. i'm contemplating exxagerating and making up some story. just so they won't hate me. i don't need anymore depise than i already have now. just the amount of despise i get from him is enough to send me to rock bottom. i'm sorry but i really can't take it anymore. not anyone complaining to me about who is not doing what and whatever, telling me what to do.... NO MORE! i can't do it anymore. going to work everyday and putting that freaking ugly smile on and pretending to be all happy go lucky. much less pretending to be all happy infront of the church people or my family. i wish i could just withdraw myself from this twisted reality. just for now, i wish i have short term memory - like the guy in 50 first dates. like after 10 seconds he forgets. but all i wanna forget is you. i wanna forget all you've done for me. call it ungrateful - but it really hurts to remember. maybe this is the consequence of taking you for granted. i really did, and i'm sorry. just don't do this to me anymore.

i need to forget you.