i'm losing my sanity, really.

i thought i saw him today. i mean it really looked like him. just a lil skinnier, a lil darker. then i snapped out of it. he's gone. almost forever. i've not been sleeping well this past few nights. i just wake up in the middle of the night and just think of him. i'm obsessed, that's what i am. i know i'm pathetic, yes, i am. i have come to a conclusion why i'm so affected by it. i feel like i've lost two people. other that being someone i really cared about, he was such a great friend. not the kind that is just a friend. he was always there for me as a friend. that's why i feel like i've lost two people. i know you can always find someone else to love, someone else to care about. but then such a great friend, its really hard to find. he said that we still can be friends. but i know, it'll be different. it will. i'm really at the end of me already. i'm just gonna crash anytime. one last push and that's it.

on the other hand, work's been a breeze, but too much of a breeze. pearl is gone. she's left me to suffer alone. but there's always the other part timers. i feel like if i quit, i'll owe them something. but then i really can't take it anymore. its tooo mundane, too routine, too boring. besides, i don't think i'm gonna get the nano. i really dun think i should anyway, cos anyway all it will do is remind me of him. so why should i right? may as well get something else. besides, i wanna play tennis. and working means no time or that. or movies for that matter, being the move buff i am. i have no time for anything. that i want to do. i dun have time to relax. i really should quit right? but then...

i don't know what i'm doing. i really don't i'm so affected that i'm living in a daze. i'm fading away.