why must you do this to me. everytime i try to forget you, you suddenly come back into my life. it hurts. i shall be brutally honest with myself and you. your unresonable comments over the past few months has made me wonder but then i realise that i am who i am, what am i. infront of you, i pretend your comments don't matter and just laugh it off . you just make me seem so insignificant and so freaking bad... like i'm the scum of the earth. i hate you for that. but then again i can't bring myself to hate you. so all i can do is sit here and be angry at myself. i do not need to take all this from you. adding to my alrady heavy work load, to my already sleepless nights, to my already battered mind, to my already torn down self regard. i DO NOT need all this crap from you. but i'm still holding on to that hope when i know i should let go. i don't know if you've made a better me or if you have destroyed me. can you leave me once and for all. although it would hurt. but at least you'll be gone and i'll have my time to forget. i think its sooo much more better that way. i hate you. i hate you. i hate you. get out of my life. i don't you to give me more of what i can't handle anymore. GET LOST and LEAVE ME ALONE. i was right at the beginning. you are a jerk. they were all correct. i can't believe i distrusted all the people closest to me just to trust you. you're not worth my trust. NO, not even one bit. i feel i've been lied to for the past year. i really don't need anymore of this. i'm too tired.

okay i just got back from almost a full day out. just in school doing work AGAIN on a sunday.

at least we finished what we came to do. MM business plan. so now its just down the MM presentation, ad plan and pitch. wowness. okay that's soo bimbo. so yeah. i did work. did work and did work. WOW! honestly, i don't think i've ever been so hardworking before i came to poly. seriously.

okay so we finished off at 6 and we had to get stuff for presentation. so we headed down to town. nic went to meet her dearest boyfriend. so that left liz, yi sze and i. so then we wanted to go for threading. sooo we went to this place near far east SHOPPING CENTRE... i never knew such a place existed in singapore!!! its soo sleazy. its freaky. i hate that place. i don't think i'll ever go back there AGAIN. i promise. so then we headed down to zara. found not satisfactory. then we headed to esprit. at first it was like ugh. then all of a sudden we spotted this really nice brown jacket. slightly vintage. and it was on 299!!!! then our eyes shifted to see the 70% off tag!!! we were like hysterical! so liz and yi sze tried it and they both LOVED it. i like it tooo.. but nevermind. haha! so they were like should we buy. so we decided to go back later. so we walked on and on. and then soon enough... we went back. and guess what its orignal price was actully 189!!!! which makes it only 56 bucks!!!! that was the last straw. they just had to buy it. lol! so then we went in search for more stufff... and then we sat down to rest cos we just really tired from walking everywhere and work. then we just started talking. and then we went home.

so now i'm sitting at home. hmmm. its gonna be a long week ahead. a tough one too. hmmm challenges. i love them. one thing i learnt is that any challenge that comes your way... EMBRACE IT. you won't believe how much you learn.

i was thinking on my way back. and i realised.. that you're always on my mind. you're the first thought that comes to my mind in the morning. you're the last thought of my day. but maybe i should just give it up. i know one thing for sure. you don't feel the way i feel about you. so why bother right. i may as well let go. move on. afterall, that's what you wanted. so maybe i should... i feel too tired trying to hold on.

okay i think its another week. okay no its not. i dunno! haha.the past few days were fine. or good? hmm parents still not back. another 5 more days of freddom. this week is gonna be sooooo busy. busy busy busy me. okay gem said that she's afraid of me cos i've become a bimbo. like..... right. i'm not a bimbo okay.

anyway. today was nice. haha! woke up at 10. did every morning thing. then left the house to get my shoes changed. mission accomplished. lol! then we went to church met aunt yen there. then pastor augustine picked us up from church to go to SICC for lunch. the roast beef was perfecto! then after lunch we went to meet fanny and janice for a movie. VALIANT. it was okay. not as good as i expected it to be. okay then we went a lil of shopping and we bought a small handbag. the kind the tai tai carries cos they only put their credit card and handphone in the bag. yeah.

then here am i sitting at home. i know i got work to do. but i am so not doing my work. somebody slap me.

okay gilmore girls is on now.why do i have a feeling i'm sooo not going to get down to work today. bleah.

Every Little Thing by Dishwalla

Let me in to see you in the morning light
To get me on and all along the tears they come
See all come, I want you to believe in life
But I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
And when you find out who you are its too late to change

I wish I could be everylittle thing you wanted, all the time
Oh, I wish I could be everylittle thing you wanted, all the time, sometimes

Lift me up, just lift me up dont make a sound
Let me hold you up before you hit the ground
See all come, you say your alright
But i get the strangest feeling that you've gone away, you've gone away
And when you find out who you are too late to change

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, all the time
Oh, I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, every thing you wanted, all the time

Don't give me up
Don't give me up tonight
Soon nothing will right at all, salvation
Cause when you find out who you are too late to change
Too late to change

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted, all the time
Oh, I wish I could be every little thing you wanted every little you wanted all the time
This time, everylittle thing you wanted all the time, oh
But I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away

i love this song. its soooooo EMO. lol. reminds me of nurul and someone else. hmmm okay. i propose a toast to the passing of Field Assignment 2! so yes finally. but then there was another let down today. i shall not say much about that. anyway i must make a shout out for benita...

FLEA MARKET AT NGEE ANN CONVENTION CENTRE TMR! the typical singaporean style? CHEAP CHEAP!!!!

yeap. anyway. MM deadline has been shifted so first on my list of pressing assignments.... *drumroll*

TV production Chat and Demo Show 26 August
MRM survey analysis and findings presentation 26 August
following that would be...
MM business plan 30 August
then comes my most thought mod...
Advertising Campaign Proposal and Presentation 1 September
last but not least...
Newspaper Project 5 September

doesn't seem like a long list but given the time we have and the work load. its hell lot of work yea! Its soooo "comforting". i can't believe Ramani actually asked me why my face is so swollen?! i was like... can't be that bad. Then i realised- it is that bad. sheesh sleep deprivation. oh wells. today MM class was fun. hahah aggie's big break. hahah! okay inside joke. lol! well well. work work work is all i am now. yes yes say it. NO LIFE. i can't wait for this to be over. then i can take a huge break. yeah. oh wells.

i wish i could be every little thing you wanted.

okay i haven't blogged in what seems like super long. but no. its only 5 days. just so much has happened it seems so much time has gone. yes jo, i know i'm very very sleep deprived. but i didn't know i looked that bad that you could tell straight off. i really need sleep. yeah. this is why i can't be a writer i can never organise my thoughts. like NEVER. everything is always scattered. okay so what happened in the past few days.

i have a huge burden off my shoulders. i feel a lil bad. but he had it coming. i mean the excuses where crap too. its nothing personal really. its just work.

okay that aside, everything is piling up. TVprod chat demo show, which we are sooo totally unprepared. i mean we haven't even got a confirmed talent. like okay. its in two weeks time. then there's advertising pitch which i am sooo gonna work my ass off for. then there's also MM business plan. almost marketing all over again. just easier. next up is MRM's research findings and stufff. we are all so clueless on. like okay.... what's up? hahah! then there's newspaper project which i'm so glad i'm the designer. my responsibility is to layout not write. which i have proven myself to be totallly hopeless at. that's the last but not the least. after all these projects there's still advertising exam and MRM exam which MR GOPI so kindly reminded me of. bleah. thanks alot mr gopi.

okay so today i practically spent half my day travelling. first in the morning to pulau ubin. lesson was supposed to start at 1030. but i was late but guess what mr mike and the rest of the group was later. so that makes me early. haha. so lesson was supposed to end at 12 right? as so said ont he timetable. but lesson STARTED at 12. haha! brilliant aye? haha! so i was supposed to interview gopi at 2. thank goodness he's only a phonecall away and that he's accomodating. i'm so blessed that my interviewees have all been sooo nice and accomodating. anyway so after class we all headed back to wherever and what a pleasant surprise! i met fanny at the bus stop. so i chatted with her for a abit and headed to gopi's office for the interview. i got over and done with it. i just couldn't think of anything to ask. so it was really quick. then i chatted with him for a bit and i made my way to go meet jo to pass her the LG cd. like FINALLY!!! lol! i met kelvin too. yeah. like FINALLY. hahah!!! sounds soo bimbotic. haha! then i decided to head home and yeah home is home. could finally shower. ahhh i feel clean.

i think that about all i have to say. i'll post up my class photos soon. soon. hahah! yeah. busy busy busy weeks. i stress WEEKS ahead. then its the HOLS!!!! i can't wait for that. oh that reminds me. camp ADEN.

our booth should be up next week. its an adventure camp. two expeditions. land and sea. i'm in land expedition tho. so support me!!! its only 20 bucks but i promise its gonna be ALOT of fun and sweat. but no promises yet!!!! see y'all!

in love with love itself.

daniel just left. this morning.

hmmm yeap. haven't blogged for long. been really really busy. everything is piling up. and its still piling up. work work work. that's all i do these days.

okay back to work. sheesh.

as u can see i deleted the previous post. its kinda depressing so yea to hell with it.

FOP is this weekend. i missed yest. its not like i'm dying to go but i would like to go. should i?

for now music practice. byees.

long day today.

anyway. i got up at 6 and i was so tired i seriously thought of not going for morning lectures. so i actually went back to sleep and i dreamt that she PC said something reallhy important in lecture so i was shook awake and then yea yea i went for morning class. the whole day. typical.

then i went to help set up the booth. gosh i really dreaded it. but i guess steph made it much more enjoyable for me.

so on the way home. i was messaging someone and the someone said something about certain forms of transport being safer. then it just struck me that no where is safe unless your life is in His hands. yes. He's got the whole world in His hands.

i love the new passion cd.

its a reflection by the way...

okay guess what my sister is in the papers. not her pic. i know big deal. but she a national canoeist okay! big deal okay. i admit. i'm wee bit jealous. but she's my sister right. older sister btw. read sports section, h12. yeap!

hmmm yea. so today's photography class was fun. running all over esplanade and city hall. taking pictures. i finally understand why photographers dress in berms and light t shirts. cos its DAMN HOT! yea i took some nice photos. wil be up soon. yea. hmmm soo. hmmm. after that we discussed advertising. finalised sales promo design. yea. splendid aye? haha! oh yes and when we left caltex house there was this group of people dressed in colonial clothing promoting some HBO series. haha and so we went to take photos. and the guy was so nice. he offered to take a photo with us! haha! and i promise he is good lookin and UBER tall! lol! and has heavy arms too. maybe it was just the clothes. anyway. did i say he looks wee bit like ben affleck? haha. yea. then i had something on so i rushed off.. lunch and desserts (fondue)!!! YUMMMMM!!! then offf.... the rest of the day i shall keep to myself.. winks!

so i'm sitting here trying to figure out why blogger ain't publishing my photo!