hmmm well today was the 2nd last guitar lesson. i saw irwin again. haha should have had dinner with him... hahha raises eyebrows. lol! well. hmmm its kinda good its ending next week so i got more time to concentrate on my work. semester is coming to an end. so its projects project and projects. yea. hmmm. well. i think i'm gonna finish up marketing real soon i hope then can go on to doing other stuff. hmmm IAC is such a drag. i dun understand why i have to do it in the first place. DUMB. oh well. hmmm i intend to try to get pastor's site up soon. i think i can do it pretty quick. i hope. have to ask lis how to put Mp3 files on the net tho'. yea. anyway i'm so tired. all the sleepless nights carried forward. hmmm yest was the best sleep i've had in WEEKS! believe it or not. i just ahd to lie on my bed and i just drifted off to sleep in seconds and i slept soooooo soundly i didn;t hear my alarm. yea. beauty sleep. hahah anyway i hated socpsy today. but i enjoyed marketing. yea. then i did marketing then i watched dead poet's society. nice show. sad tho. even reka cried. hahahh how touching that must be. lol! yea then i went for guitar lesson. learnt some new stuff. yea. and i have to present this hebrew song next week how ungentlemanly guys i have in the class.... *SHAKES HEAD* hmmm yea. anyway i betetr get back to work..

i have fallen in love with you...

finally

yay! webgraph is OVER! OVER! OVER!!! at least for now! haha. yea. i love the site its sooooo nice. hahahha. just a lil rubbish here and there. hahah yea. harvey liked it. liswanto too. at least they said so. down to writcom and marketing! hmmm sean's probably joining my writcom pair. one more person. haha. yea. we're doing on food. hmmm... is your belly your god? hahah! right. lol. nah doing on cooking. maybe. i dunno. hahha. well. yes i went impulse shopping on friday. bought a bag. i really like it. haha. hmmm bought a pair of slippers for only $9.90! its green! lovely color! hhahaha yea. and i watched hide and seek. dakota fanning ROCKS! she's such a good actress. anyway. i think i said this before... anyway. i wanna go sleeep bye.

woah.

well this past week was really busy. meeting deadlines and all. webgraph is due tmr. dunno how we are gonna finish it up. i hope we can. dun wanna get a bad grade. yea. well. i actually got alot of things done this week. anyway i most likely will be going for the combodia trip. just that jLoh has not sent me the application form yet! why?!!! hmmm. oh wells. anyway i watched HIDE AND SEEK. cool show. a lil jumpy tho'. hahah yea. but it was fun. lol! Jacque treated - Thanks dude. dakota fanning's acting was BRILLIANT! really. yeap. the play today went well. seemed really short tho'. but it was good. yeap. so i'm really so tired out. back to webgraph. adios.

a whole new dimension.

i just reformatted my laptop.
finally i get speed and NO irritating viruses.
i love the way it is now. ciaos.

you get well soon.

random.

i'm feeling really random now. oh wells. hmmm well. there's school tmr. i feel like not going but i never get down to not going. sheesh. well i'm a good girl you see. * distant voice, "right... pui!."* hahah whatever. well i went to church for the play's rehearsal and it went quite well. uncle ronald can act man. hmmm after that i went swimming with the twins! oh man! they are like SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute. hahah! but joshua was a lil scared of the water. but caleb was so totally like enjoying himself in the water! they are so cute! hahah. okay. get over it. haha. well so i went to aunt joyce place after that. and i was browsing through her photo albums and i found out she used to be an air stewardess!!! and she has flown to all destinations and served first class before! man! so cool right?! that's like WAY cool. haha! yea. so i came back home and my brother had brought his guitar home. and i tell you it is soooooo good. i like it. better than my guitar, my poor guitar. abandoned by me. haha! oh wells. hmmmm so i think instead of selling my brother's guitar i'll sell mine. polish it up and then put it up for sale. i think i'll probably get a professional to file down the thing can't remember what its called for me. then it'll be nicer to play. maybe i'll ask uncle ronald if he wants to buy it. oh wells. anyway its late i wanna go sleep. bye!

CNY

yea. its been nice to have a breather from all the work and the bustles of life. refreshing. just hanging out. yea. nice. *smiles* yeap. i feel so.... free! i like this feeling. anyway i got this poem in my bathroom toilet. its really nice. it's called Just Wait.

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, i cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "wait".

"wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming Your word.

My future and all to which I relate,
hangs in the balance and You tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no' to which i'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall recieve.
Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "wait".
So i slumped into my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting... what for?"
He seemes then to kneel, andHis eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause the mountains to run.

I could give you all that You seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when the darkness and silence is all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the spirit of peace descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save for a start,
but you'd not know the depthof the beat of My heart.
The glow of my comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the lost if I loss what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still ...WAIT".

beautiful ain't it? ponders. yea ponder....

i've succesfully completed by essay and research cards. awesome right? no. i've exceeded the word limit by like 740 words! i have no way to cut it down. and i don't want to either. i hope this essay does not turn out like my previous paragraph essay. yes i watch a VCD today. little black book. its a nice show. and the guy who acts in it is the guy who acts as Nixon in BAND OR BROTHERS! no wonder he looked so familiar. he's charming. not dashing. but he's a real good actor i think. because of BAND OF BROTHERS. i'm gonna go crazy bout that show again. but why not. its a fantastic show. thank you HBO for providing me with such a good show to watch. yes. CNY tmr. can't wait to get to gram's house so can meet up with everyone especially uncle yan and uncle pen liang. play BRIDGE! so fun to play with them. cos they're brilliant at it! anyway dinner now. ciaos. laters if i feel like blogging.

still broken.
i'm too tired.

bad week. really bad week. so what if its the hols. totally did not feel like it and obviously some people made it worse.

1. i hate the way you talk to me. makes me feel like i'm talking to the wall.
2. i hate the way you are so bloody selfish. what makes you think you were the only one pissed when it was cancelled. i stayed up till 3 am in the morning doing the script. this is what i get in return. i should have never gotten myself into this thing. its not like i don't have enough work to do. i'm so dumb to make the same mistake again.
3. i hate the way everyone thinks that their actions only affect them. i'm sorry if you all think that way, you do not live in the real world. welcome to my world where because you think that you are playing a small role and because of that you can say that you have better things to do and you are not coming you will not affect anything. if everyone (FIY almost everyone did) thinks the same way no one would turn up.
4. i hate myself for being so dumb as to volunteer to do something when i could put my time to better use.
5. i hate the fact that no one. yes no one even bothers to apologise.
6. i hate the fact that everyone else around me blames me for something that was totally not my fault and that i was not resposible for causing.
7. i hate the fact that i know that i should not be ranting and rumbling like that because i'm supposed to have no rights.
8. i hate the fact that everyone is supposed to be changed, transformed and are supposed to be examples but every single one of you people are probably just hypocrites. not that i'm not one. but at least i know that i'm one.
9. i hate the amount of garbage i have in my life and yes i'm full of it.
10. i hate the fact that i can't hate you all or myself for that matter because i'm supposed to be forgiving and all understand and alll loving and all caring and all angelic and all perfect and all pure and all that i and you all aren't.

i just finished my info essay. sitll got research cards to do. i don't think i can ever do anything right. i got a C on my first essay. i feel like shit. i put in so much effort. everything always ALWAYS backfires at me. i'm so hopeless. i'm always the one taking the shit. everything that does not work out is dumped on me. everything that is not pleasant is channeled to me. i'm already broken into pieces. must you crush me to bits?

i'd rather be with you Lord, then to be with anyone else.....

oh wells. things are quite smooth. just that i had a sucky first half of a week. we really down and really in the dumps. but i'm out of it. i survived. yay! haha. right. yeap. i just had guitar lessons today. it was really nice. *smiles* to myself. lol! k k i'm really in need of exercise and i'm glad i'm going to run next sunday! i hope i can keep up. *crosses fingers* well its like back to school soon. i even got radio workshop tomorrow. oh wells that's life. i'm not in a mood to say anythign else already. ciaos.

why?

am i depressed? i do nto know. i hate the state of mind i am in now. i am so lost i don't know what i live for. everything has been set against me. at least for the past 48 hours. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this.